so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I AM VODKA MAN
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
