I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
