I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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