He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
