I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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