If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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