take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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