I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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