and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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