I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just tell him i said nine months
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
