I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize