so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
