I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
