Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
