I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
