this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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