using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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