with your own penis?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
