Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
