Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
