he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
