if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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