ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
