Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
