i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
