it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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