This dress was meant to end up on your floor
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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