thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
