she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
