grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
