I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just had sex bonerless
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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