and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
