What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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