Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you made out with another girl for some wings
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