youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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