16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
