a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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