he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
