singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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