I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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