Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
