Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
