Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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