You're so nebulous sometimes
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
