I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
