Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
