there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
