ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
