So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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