And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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