I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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