my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
