Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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