you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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