I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
