Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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