she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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