I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
