Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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