Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
