Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
