dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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