i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
