I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
