I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
