whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
