i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
