you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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