North Korea, Best Korea!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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