so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize