We're like a lot better than the average bears
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
