There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
