I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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