How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
