I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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