Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
