If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
