so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
