She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
