do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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