TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
