I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
