Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
